


Friends Don't Do The Things We Do

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-27 21:14:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Remus Lupin kisses his best friend by the lake. His life comes caving in on him.Friends to lovers, aggressive angst, not based on me having to come out to my girlfriend cough cough





	1. Friends Don't Do The Things We Do - Regret

**Author's Note:**

> anyway let's go, i don't know why i put notes, my writing is shit for notes even if it's half-decent for the rest of the stuff. please let me know how i can improve, that's the only reason that i ever publish my writing on various hellsites around the internet.

Remus Lupin was going to be the dux of the school, move to America, and get married. He was not going to fall for a punk boy with long hair, and he was not going to kiss him by the lake as the sun rose, crying into his arms about the beast within.  
"Fuck." Remus rubbed his eyes with the balls of his palms. This wasn't how he was going to waste his sixth year. He had OWLs coming up, he had to be studying. He was a prefect, he had a girlfriend, and Sirius Black was his best friend in the whole world. He shouldn't have kissed him, he really shouldn't have.  
"Remus?" That was Sirius now, coming into the dorm. Remus clenched his eyes shut. Sirius was the last person he wanted to see right now. He was still wearing Sirius's jacket - the other boy had given it to him when his clothes had been torn beyond anything decent, or protection from the elements. One of the pins was digging into his side, but the leather was soft and warm by now.  
Sirius sighed. Remus heard the door click shut. They'd fucked everything up. One kiss and Remus's world was crumbling. He had a girlfriend, a Ravenclaw named Sophie Lowe, and she'd been talking about getting married once they left school. Most wizards met their life partners in Hogwarts - once you were living out in the muggle world available wizards and witches were few and far between. Remus couldn't marry a muggle, he'd end up hurting them. Wizards could make potions and cast spells to keep his monster away.  
Not that he wanted to get married. If he hurt someone that he loved...he wouldn't be able to live with himself. The only reason that he was dating Sophie was that she'd asked his out three times and James had bullied him into saying yes. He regretted it.  
And now he was going to hurt her. The beast didn't even have to do his dirty work. He'd kissed Sirius. He'd gone and kissed his best friend by the lake and worn his jacket, and let Sirius cry into his arms.  
Everyone knew that Sirius was gay. He'd stood on the High Table during breakfast and screamed 'I LIKE DICK' during the third year. He'd gotten a week's detention and a howler from his mother, telling him not to come home.  
And now Remus had kissed him. The punk boy with the patch jacket and the lip ring. The boy with the long, fluffy, hair and ripped jeans and the platform leather boots with the straps and the buckles and the metal-tipped toes. The boy who cried when he thought that no one else could hear. The boy who'd been Remus's best friend since the moment he'd gotten on the Hogwarts Express.  
Remus had come home early from Hogsmeade and was walking through the grounds. He and Sirius hung out down by the lake together, and his feet carried him there by instinct. Everything hurt. He had a giant gash down his side. Sirius hadn't come with him that night, he and James and Peter had been staying up all night finishing off an essay. It had been one of his hardest transformations yet - he was glad that his best friends hadn't been there to see it.  
Sirius had a bottle in his hand. He was hunched over, head between his knees, buckling with sobs. His mascara was running down his face in thick rivers. Remus had put a hand on his back, sat down beside him.  
Sirius had glanced up. Remus had leant over, put a hand on the back of Sirius's head, Sirius had cupped Remus's head in his palm, and they'd been kissing before Remus knew what was happening. Before either of them knew what was happening. They were both crying, Remus was shaking from the cold. Sirius had pulled away and taken off his jacket - he was wearing a Weird Sisters shirt underneath, and they'd kissed again.  
Remus had run away first. He'd sprinted up to the castle, leaving his best friend alone by the lake.  
And now everything was broken.


	2. Friends Don't Do The Things We Do - Dumb Bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> am i a bastard? possibly. did i write this on the bus during a mental breakdown because the little boys behind me kept calling me the minecraft girl but that makes my dysphoria go NYAH so i wrote instead? possibly. did I then play minecraft anyway? possibly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chaos gays try their best.

Remus couldn't hide and cry the rest of his sixth year. Halfway through the day, he dragged himself out of bed. He folded up the jacket and put it on Sirius's pillow. There was a picture beside Sirius's bed - the whole gang, laughing together. James had Pettigrew in a headlock, Sirius had his arm slung around Remus's shoulder.  
Lily had taken that picture, and then she'd kissed James and then she'd taken him up to the empty dormitory. James had put a sock on the door, and Remus had paid Sirius a galleon to wander in and find a book, taking his dear sweet time. James hadn't spoken to either of them for a week.  
He had potions now, Griffindor and Ravenclaw. His stomach lurched. Sophie and Sirius would be in the same room as him, together. Usually, she came over to their table and partnered with Remus, Sirius with Peter, and James with Lily. Could he wait for another period to go? No, next was divination and he did not want the first time Sirius saw him again to be in that strange, dense, odd-smelling classroom.  
Squaring his shoulders, Remus shoved the fat lady aside and climbed out the portrait hole. She squawked something at his back.  
Remus shuddered as he walked. He wasn't recovered from his transformation, and he'd missed breakfast. Sirius might have saved something, but he really didn't want to have to talk to his best friend right now. Not after what had happened that morning.  
The potions lesson was halfway done. Remus opened the door to quiet murmuring, purple smoke, and Professor Koa fast asleep on his desk. He wasn't good at staying awake to supervise one of the most potentially dangerous lessons in the school.  
Sirius glanced around at the sound of the door opening. His eyes were puffy and red. James squeezed his hand.  
Oh god. Did James know?  
A cold sweat broke out across Remus's forehead.  
Abandoning her potion, Sophie trotted over to him. She was pretty enough, with a blonde perm and big blue eyes. She was a muggleborn, and she came from a rich muggle family. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.  
"Loopy! Where were you? You've got a bruise on your cheek!" She bubbled. A bruise on his cheek. Wow. Really? How observant of her - it was big and dark and purple and just a bit obvious. "We're making love potions today! Come on, Emilia won't mind moving! Sirius! James! Look who it is!"  
"Oi! Mate!" James marched over and did the annoying bro hug thing, where they gripped hands and smacked each other on the back. Remus held his breath. James had recently discovered how much rancid muggle deodorant he could spray on per square inch, then doubled that. He was a noxious cloud. "You good?"  
"Y-yeah." Remus rubbed his back. "I'm fine."  
Sirius turned back to his potion, hunching his shoulders. Sophie grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him back to the potion. Emilia, a square-jawed girl with bronze skin and a buzzcut, glared at Remus and moved over to make room for him. He was a little terrified of her.  
Someone touched Remus's shoulder. He spun. It was Sirius.  
He's tied his hair up into a bun, a few loose strands falling down around his cheeks. His eyes were puffy.  
He still looked amazing.  
Remus's heart thudded in his chest. Sirius was an inch taller than him, and he worked out. If he punched Remus, he wouldn't stand a chance.  
"Sophie, darling, do you mind if I steal Remus for a moment?" Sirius asked. Sophie nodded and bubbled away with her consent. God, she never shut up. That was mean, she was kind and sweet and enthusiastic. Remus was just stressed.

Brushing Sirius's hair out of his face, his full lips parting, Remus's hand running through his hair, Sirius's tears, warm and salty-

Oh god. Remus couldn't be alone with him. With him. But Sirius was already leading him out of the classroom, leaning against the wall, one knee crooked so the foot was flat beside his knee. He puffed a strand of hair out of his eye.  
"Remus, we have to talk about this."  
"No. We don't."  
"Yeah. We do. You kissed me." Sirius narrowed his eyes.  
"Ssh." Remus glanced around. "Not so loud. I have a girlfriend."  
"Yeah, I know. God." He ran his hands through his hair. "I fucking know, mate."  
"What's that supposed to mean." Remus tried to mirror his stance. His foot slipped. He buried his head in his hands and groaned. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Kissed you, I mean."  
"Why not?" Sirius met Remus's eyes.  
"What? Sirius. I'm a werewolf. Fucking everyone already hates me. No one talks to me, I'm a fucking outcast. If I was a werewolf with a...with a boyfriend..." Remus shuddered. "Sirius, please-"  
"Fuck you." Sirius spun, wiping his sleeve across his face. "You're so fucking selfish, Lupin."  
"Sirius, please-" Remus almost followed him. Almost. He whipped down the corridor, yanking his hair loose of its bun and pulling it over his face. Remus watched him go, powerless to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cha cha real smooth, boys


	3. Friends Don't Do The Things We Do - angst time (:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote THIS one sitting in a starbucks with my best friend and wouldn't let them see what i was writing because i'm a shy dumbass, knowing full well that i was going to post it and they know my ao3 and my wattpad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gay as fuck for sirius

Sirius was dreaming about Lupin. They were running through the forbidden forest. Sirius wasn't sure if he was a dog or a man, his hair was lashing around his face but he was going faster than he could ever in his dog form. They were flying across the ground, laughing under the full moon, Lupin keeping easy pace with him.  
He was shaken awake.  
There was a crescent moon outside the window - his bed was the closest to the sky - and the sky was dripping with light. Remus was crouched over him, shirtless.  
Sirius pushed himself up on one elbow. "Remus?"  
He rubbed his eyes. God, was he still dreaming?  
Remus leant forward and cupped Sirius's head in his hands, pushing his finger through his hair. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Remus silenced him with a kiss. Sirius kissed him back - damn whatever he'd said in that corridor and damn what he'd promised about being done with his best friend.  
Sirius had loved Remus for years. Since he'd come out, before that, even. Since they'd met on the Hogwarts Express. If Lupin was going to kiss him, he wasn't going to complain.  
Sirius pushed himself up on h. Lupin shifted so that he was lying on top of Sirius, hands in his hair, stroking his face. Sirius moved down Lupin's neck, kissing his Adam's apple, his chest. Lupin gasped, bent down and kissed Sirius on the mouth again, tangled their legs together.  
"I'm not here." He whispered between kisses. "I'm not kissing you."  
"Of course not," Sirius replied, his voice hoarse.  
Across from them, James stirred in his sleep, grunting and rolling over. Remus shifted, pulling away. Sirius reached up and took his hand.  
"We can stop if you want," Sirius said.  
"No," Lupin replied. He stood up. In the moonlight, his pale scars were thrown into sharp relief. "Come with me."  
At that moment, Sirius would have done anything Remus asked. Following him to a quieter location really didn't seem like a lot. Sirius grabbed his pillow, hugging it to his chest. If a prefect stopped him (well, any prefect other than the one who'd been kissing him until a moment ago) he could pretend that Peter had been bloody snoring again and he wanted to find somewhere quieter to sleep.  
James kept his invisibility cloak hidden in his underwear drawer, along with his most precious possessions. (Photo of his parents, a packet of muggle chewing gum Lily had given him, several litres of deodorant to last him through the week.) Remus moved fast, shoving the boxers aside and grabbing the cloak. Sirius watched him.  
Under the invisibility cloak, their fingers linked. Their hips were pressed together, Remus leant over to kiss Sirius's neck. It took serious effort not to groan.  
The Fat Lady didn't appreciate being woken up. She called out, ordering the boys to make their presences known. Sirius pressed his finger to Remus's lips. Remus kissed it and walked on.  
They burst into an empty classroom, young, drunk on their own invincibility, kissing under the stars. Remus pushed Sirius into a wall, laced his fingers through his hair, pulled tight, kissing his mouth and neck. His lips were soft, the bottom one was split and grated on Siriu's skin.  
Sirius traced the scars on Remus's back, let Remus kiss him, kissed him back. Remus yanked off Siriu's shirts, fast and desperate.  
"Lupin?"  
Remus jerked away from Sirius. Sirius felt his heart thud into his shoes. Lupin was never going to talk to him again. Sophie bloody Murphy was standing at the open door to the classroom.  
"Sirius?" She said. "I bloody knew it." Sophie snapped her bubblegum. “I can’t fucking-”  
"Sophie" Lupin snatched Sirius's pillow and hugged it to his chest. "Please don't tell anyone, please. We're not- I'm not gay. Sophie, please."  
Lily blew a slow balloon. "Fuck you."  
"But..."  
"You need to decide what you want," Lily said.  
Sirius buried his face in his arms. He should have pushed Lupin away from the start, never let him get close. God, he'd fucked everything up. Were there any spells to erase a memory? He couldn't remember, his brain was a fog. He didn't even have his wand - god, why hadn't he shut the door. He picked his shirt off the floor and put it back on.  
Lily left.  
Lupin sank onto the floor and buried his face in his hands. "God, Sirius-" He was crying again. "Please don't- Please, Sirius, I want to be with you so much but I-"  
"I wouldn't tell fucking..." Sirius rolled his neck on his shoulders. He hoped that his neck wouldn't bruise. Fucking Lupin. "Remus, I'm fucking sick of this. I love you, you know I love you. And I know that you have feelings for me. You're so fucking selfish, Morgana. You have to choose. You can't have me and her. It's not fair to either of us.” He paused. “It's me or her."  
Sirius paused by the door. "Goodbye, Remus Lupin."  
Lupin didn't get up.


	4. Friends Don't Do The Things We Do - Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god i love them and i hate them and gah, you know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second to last chapter you don't have to bear with me much longer

Lupin went to Madam Pomfrey. He told her that he wasn't feeling well, that he had to stay there. She did all her tests, she told him he was fine, but she let him stay. He lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling.  
He wasn't fine. He was about as far from fine as someone could get, short of death.  
He was thinking about Sirius Black, about the first time they'd met.  
Dumbledore had come to his house, a month before, and he'd talked about letting Lupin into Hogwarts. He still didn't believe that it was true, that someone was going to stop him at the last minute, that he was a danger to the students.  
His parents were glad to see him go. He was glad to leave - he didn't want to hurt them. He’d gone straight to the back of the train and curled up, head pressed against the window.  
A boy had passed, arguing with a girl. They were both tall, with wild, dark, hair and golden skin. She was much older than him, tall and beautiful, and with a long scar tracing her neck and waving a hooked wand. He stopped, yelled something, and marched into Lupin’s cabin.   
He slammed the door so hard that it rattled in its frame.  
Lupin had started, almost smashing his head on the window as the train started chugging out of the station. Sirius had sat down across from Lupin and glared at her until she left.  
Then he’d turned and stuck out his hand. It was calloused, and he gripped Lupin’s a bit too hard. “I’m Sirius. That’s my cousin, Bellatrix. She’s in the seventh year, and I don’t want to be in Slytherin.” He’d said. He’d pulled his hand back and propped his knee up on the seat beside him.  
“I’m Remus.” Lupin had said. He hadn’t understood what was so bad about Slytherin. Dumbledore had just told him that they were cunning and ambitious and had a silver snake as a symbol. That didn’t seem so bad.  
“Oh, thank Merlin she’s gone. See you at Hogwarts!” He’d swished out of the cabin, leaving Remus starstruck.  
The next time he’d seen Sirius was at the Sorting. He’d been third to be judged by the hat, and he’d almost cried when he’d been placed in Griffindor, grinning as wide as the brim of the patched hat. He’d held a seat for Remus, and a seat for James Potter.   
The golden trio had been formed. They were as rockstars to Hogwarts - the handsome rebel, the prefect top of every class, and the quidditch captain. And Peter. He was there as well, nervous and kind and shy.  
Every girl was theirs, everyone adored them (save Sniv-Severus), their pranks were the talk of the school and girls and boys alike swooned at Sirius. He stayed up late, he snuck in butterbeer and weed, he threw the parties after Quidditch matches, he blasted rock music, he climbed onto roofs to smoke and throw rocks at teachers. He was handsome and enigmatic and beautiful and-  
Oh fuck.  
Oh no.  
This wasn’t happening. He was not going to fall for Sirius Black of all people. For the love of Merlin. He was going to test out of Hogwarts and move to America and-  
And end up spending his days thinking about the boy that was never his, wanting to go back to the glory days. He could fall for Sirius all he wanted, they could live together and fly into the sunset and open a bed and breakfast somewhere far away from anyone he could hurt-  
What if he hurt Sirius. What if he followed the scent trail back to their home together and savaged the man he loved. If Sirius survived, he’d be a werewolf forever. He’d be a monster. And if he didn’t… Remus wouldn’t be able to live with himself. If they had children (there was an idea, two boys, they’d grow up with better parents than either of their dads), they’d be in danger as well.  
But Sirius was one of the only people who’d been around Lupin’s transformations. As much as Remus hated it, Sirius had risked his life and his happiness to become an animagus and follow him at the full moon. He’d seen the worst of the worst in Remus, and he still wanted to kiss him and love him forever.  
But did he? Did he really? Remus had fucked up. He’d broken everything last night, ever promise that he’d made to himself, his friendship with Sirius, maybe even his relationship with Sophie. If he didn’t choose Sophie, she’d be heartbroken. She’d tell bloody everyone. How would she do it? Quietly, telling a friend who told a friend, or a howler at breakfast. Then Sirius would try and fight her, and he’d get kicked out, and Remus would be so alone in Hogwarts.  
“Mr Lupin?” It was Madam Pomfrey. “You have a visitor. I’ll be in my office.”  
Remus didn’t turn over. He didn’t want to see who was there. Sirius or Sophie, or even James or Lily. None of them had done anything wrong. He’d fucked everything up.  
“Baby?” Oh god, it was Sophie. Frankly, he would have preferred Sirius. (Story of his life.)  
He rolled over. One of his arms flopped off the bed like a dead fish. She was wearing muggle clothes - a sports bra and exercise leggings, and a fluffy sweater that fell off the shoulder. Her eyes were puffy and red and she wasn’t wearing any ridiculous makeup or hair accessory. Her hands were balled by her side.  
“Hello,” Remus said. Sophie sat down on the edge of his bed and took his hand. She squeezed it. He ignored her.  
“I’m still in shock, baby. I’m just…how could you do something like that?” She looked away, out the window and across the grounds. What would she say if she knew that Sirius and Remus had sat there and kissed, him knowing full well how much it would hurt her. “I thought we had something good.”  
Remus didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything to make her feel better. He loved Sirius so, so, much, but doing what he wanted would hurt her. If he stayed with her, brushed it off as a fluke, he could still have everything he wanted.  
Did he want it?  
“I didn’t know. That I liked boys. When we started... ”  
Sophie squeezed his hand. “I think… I think that I did. You were always… close with Sirius. And when we’d see cute boys in public, you were almost more interested than me.” She glanced down, laughed, and wiped her eyes.  
“I could be bisexual.” Remus said. “This could still work, Sophie.”  
“But you’d still chose him. And… I think I’m okay with that now.” She gave him a watery smile. “Come with me to breakfast?”  
God, what had he done to deserve someone as amazing as her. Remus’s heart tightened, like a fist clinging onto an ornament. He stood up.  
“Madam Pomfrey?” he said. “I’m feeling a lot better. Thank you, so much. For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is he about to do something stupid and impulse and romantic? probably.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin makes a decision

Peter had gone to the dungeons with a bread roll so that he could get a good bench for him and Sirius, under Sirius’s orders. Now, he was lounging on the bench with his legs folded, the perfect picture of indifference. Who cared if the boy he’d loved for most of their lives had kissed him and left him, chosen Sophie over him, and then not even shown up for breakfast. He was probably fucking her in a closet somewhere, to prove how much he loved women, he just adored women, tits and all.  
Fucking asshole. What kind of person did that? Kissed someone like that and then pretended that he’d never known him? It wasn’t fair.  
Sirius wasn’t going to cry again. There was a Hufflepuff boy who’d been making eyes at him for a while, he could try his luck there. And if that didn’t work out, he would accept that he was cursed with boys and live in a cave for the rest of his life.  
Not that he was dramatic, or anything.  
“Oi.” Lily leant across the table and laced her fingers. She was wearing her glasses and had twisted her hair into tiny braids. A sure sign that she was stressed. “Sirius, what’s the matter.”  
“Yeah, mate, what’s up.” James asked. The pair were sitting across from Sirius, and James had heaped all three of their plates with scones and hash browns. Sirius nudged his apart - the scones were getting greasy. James was a heathen.  
“Nothing, nothing. Just stressed about OWLs.” Sirius glanced up at the ceiling. Clear day. Good. He’d head down into the forest and smoke during the first period. Possibly cry. But not about Remus. He could invite the Hufflepuff boy.  
“Bullshit.” James said. “Where’s Lupin?”  
“Couldn’t care less.” Sirius said. He was obviously lying, he knew that, but if he refused to tell the truth then they couldn’t drag it out of him. He was cool and punk and he was way above falling in love. He was all about chaos and hookups and breaking hearts and not calling him tomorrow.   
He slumped down, bracing his elbows on the table and lacing his fingers behind his head. Remus Lupin was going to drive him insane. Dear god.   
He was perfect. He was goofy and funny and kind and driven. He was always there for Sirius when he was feeling like shit and you’re always going to try again. He can put on a brave face and try even when he feels like shit. He makes people happy to be around him.   
Someone tapped him on the shoulder.  
He turned.   
Lupin’s mouth crashed into his.   
“Fucking finally!” James roared.   
Remus pulled back. Lily handed James a golden galleon.   
Sirius blinked.   
Remus squeezed his hand. “I choose you, Sirius Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me. this isn't my best writing, not by a long shot, but I'm kind of just using it to break through my writers block. more, and better, fics to come. what do you think I should write?

**Author's Note:**

> i was supposed to spend all the time writing this studying for exams so i hope it's worth my while


End file.
